We Almost Didn’t Make It: Marriage Counselling and Reconciliation Among Separated Couples in South Africa
Keywords:
marriage counselling, marital reconciliation, separated couples, attachment theoryAbstract
Marital separation is an increasingly common feature of South African family life. Yet little is known about how couples navigate the path back toward reconciliation, particularly with the help of professional marriage counselling. This qualitative study explored the lived experience of marriage counselling by separated South African couples who were subsequently reconciled. The researchers used an interpretive phenomenological approach to conduct semi-structured, in-depth interviews with twelve purposefully selected participants: six married couples from a Families South Africa counselling centre and six from church-based counselling services in the Eastern Cape. Thematic analysis of data was conducted in line with interpretative phenomenological research. Five major themes emerged: the psychosocial impact of marital separation; the counselee/participant’s experience throughout the counselling process; counselling’s perceived benefits to the participant; counselling as a mediating role in reconciliation; and structural/systematic barriers to accessing services. The results show that marriage counselling is a transformative mediation space that can repair communication, recognise emotions, make forgiveness possible, and renew the bond of attachment. Financial difficulties, deep-rooted socio-cultural and gender norms, and the lack of well-trained counsellors in communities away from urban centres are also limiting access to this space of change. Increased investment in marriage counselling and the development of culturally relevant forms of counselling based on attachment theory, family systems theory and emotion-focused couple therapy are required as part of the study. Implications for practice, training, and policy are discussed.
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